Self-assessment

This assessment is taken from the book Healing Hearts and Mending Minds by Mark Kastleman.  It is intended to help you better understand your addiction to sex and pornography. 

1. When did you first begin viewing pornography? How many times would you estimate you have viewed it since then?

2. What type of pornography do you typically look at? Where do you usually view it?

3. How long do you typically spend looking at pornography? Is this ever more time than you planned? Why does this happen?

4. How much time typically passes between your pornography viewing episodes?

5. Do you ever self-stimulate to pornography? Why? After the experience, how do you feel?

6. When you look at pornography, do you find yourself blocking everything else out- your goals, commitments, religious convictions, determination to stop, thoughts of spouse and family, consequences of your behavior, the amount of time passing, warning feelings from the Spirit, and other ''big picture" thoughts?

7. After looking at pornography, do you feel guilt, shame, regret, disappointment, despair, anger or other negative emotions? Why?

8. Over time, has the kind of pornography you view changed? How and why?

9. Have you paid for pornography (magazines, strip clubs, hotel movies, Internet, etc.)? If so, what types have you paid for? What would you estimate to be the total combined dollars spent to date?

10. Do you view Internet pornography late at night when everyone is asleep? Why do you choose this time?

11. Do you find yourself wanting to look at pornography when you feel stressed, lonely, or bored; when things aren't going well at work, financially, in your marriage or with your kids? Do you feel entitled-"I've had a hard day. I deserve to indulge for awhile;" "My wife is neglecting me so I have to find some kind of outlet."

12. After viewing pornography, do you often declare, "That's the last time I'll ever look at it!" only to find yourself doing it again in the future? How does this make you feel? How many times do you estimate you have tried to quit?

13. Do you engage in sexual conversations on the Internet, via phone sex, or in other settings outside of your marriage?

14. Do you try to hide your pornography viewing from others? Why?

15. Have you ever asked your spouse to perform any of the acts you have viewed in pornography? How did you feel afterward?

16. Once you get the "urge" or idea to look at pornography, do you find it difficult or impossible to get that thought out of your mind? When you try to resist, do you find yourself thinking thoughts like, "I may as well give in, because looking at it is inevitable?"

17. How would your spouse, children, mother or father feel or react if they caught you looking at porn? How would you react if they caught you?

18. Do you call up pornographtc images in your mind during sexual intimacy with your spouse? Why?

19. Do you feel like you are living double life or like you are two different people: your "public self"- the one you portray to your family, church, and community; and your "private self- the one that looks at pornography?

20. Do you have a fear of others finding out about your pornography use? Why? Do you have the belief that if others knew about this "secret" part of your life they could never love or accept you?

21. Do you believe that your involvement with pornography and/or other sexual practices make you uniquely "bad" or "evil"? Do you feel hopeless against your addiction; that you will never really be completely free from it?
 
22. How has pornography viewing negatively affected your:

• Relationship with God
• Self-worth and self-esteem
• Marriage
• Relationship with your children
• Career
• Relationships with and attitudes toward women in general
• Your overall productivity and success in life

These questions are designed to help you step back and try to objectively look at your involvement with pornography. If you answered affirmatively to more than a few of these questions, then you have some level of addiction. If you are resisting the idea that you have an addiction, remember that this term simply means:

You use a substance or activity to escape or avoid the stress or pressures of your life, relieve loneliness or boredom, or simply feel a rush of pleasure.  You have lost your ability to completely control when, how often, and how long you engage in ths behavior.  It is causing problems in your physical, emotional and/or spititual life, and/or your relationships.

From “Healing Hearts and Mending Minds”, by Mark B. Kastleman (used with permission)